I arrived at the Logan Square Auditorium around 6:45, finding a pretty sweet parking spot right out front. Though the Auditiorium is easy to miss- there is a small sign above a door, completely dwarfed by the signs surrounding it, the long line of people leading into the alley was a tell tale sign that we had hit the right pace. I proceeded to the end of the line and waited for the doors to open at 7. The people were excited, there was an electricity in the air, with all sorts of marks discussing the upcoming matches and wrestling in general. We were all here to see Chikara- Case of the Bulletproof Waldo.
The line began to move a little after seven, and soon afterwards I had my seat in the second row, next to an action figure/dvd vendor’s table. These vendor’s would get increasingly drunk as the night goes on, offering free hugs with purchase. They advertised $2 grab bags with random dvds in it- hilariously, a little boy opened one and got a tiger-beat style tape from the nineties- my wife mentions she had those when she was a kid. Not only did this kid get a non-wrestling product, there is very little chance he will be able to contextualize anything. Its life little ironies that give it flavor. More on the kid later, he is a great example of why Chikara’s business model is pretty solid.
They begin the show, a self professed Chikara concierge starting things off by hawking the Sweet and Sour shirts they were selling; the profits apparently all went to charity. This shirt seemed to sell rather well, and if I had brought more than beer and ticket money I would probably own one now.
Now I will preface this next part with this- I am relatively new to Chikara- I have never seen a live show or a dvd of theirs, but I have seen the Dragon Gate crossovers they did so I was familiar with Quackenbush, Ophidian, and a few others. What I wasn’t expecting- Gavin Loudspeaker. ‘The Only Rock and Roll Ring Announcer in the Business’, Loudspeaker’s surname fit him well- the guy could blabber on and on and on. He had a post-American Idiot Green Day look (cough sell outs cough) which, by itself, was enough for me to hate him. Speaking rationally, I had to accept that this guy was one of the ways Chikara was trying to find a unique voice in the bloated American Indie scene. Much like a smark at a WWE show, I had to accept that I was not the target audience for what Loudspeaker was targeting. He started the show with a pretty lame acoustic song (don’t read into this too much I have a tendency towards music snobbery) and would enter the ring between matches to pimp the merch and announce the matches. You could also hear him on the balcony doing commentary. From someone who is more used to TV or ROH style announcers, it was a bit of a culture shock, though his incessant yammering did fill in the gaps of silence. If you have ever been to an ROH show, there are a lot of awkward lulls.
Last thing I want to mention- as a ‘family’ show, Loudspeaker implored the crowd to refrain from the profane (my words not his), and the audience complied, switching out naughty words for kid friendly synonyms. HOLY POOP! HOLY POOP! Ironically enough, it was the wrestlers who had the hardest time not swearing, but I can’t say I wouldn’t curse in response to getting kicked in the face.
Onto the matches of the night-
The first match was a 3v3 one fall match between the Batiri- Obariyon, Kodama, and Kobald, versus the Throwbacks- Sugar Dunkerton, and Dasher Hatfield, teamed with Matt Classic with referee PJ Drummond. Obariyon and Kodama of the Batiri look very similar- Chikarapro.com lists them at the same height and weight- and were difficult to tell apart. Kobald, on the other hand, dons a goblinoid mask that is actually pretty cool. Dasher Hatfield… well he is a baseball, or maybe a baseball player? This guy stretches Chikara’s mask-filled theme pretty thin, though as a wrestler was pretty entertaining. It is not hard to get a guy with a baseball mask over when Wrigley Field is right about four miles away. Sugar was a fast talking Globetrotter type, who thankfully does not wear a basketball mask. As for Matt Classic, I had heard so much about him from his ‘handler’ Colt Cabana but I was not prepared for the awesomeness that would commence.
The match began with Sugar taking on Obariyon (which is impossible to discern from Ovarian over the microphone,) though Dasher was quickly tagged in and spent quite a bit of time in the ring. To be honest, it was a bit difficult to pay attention to anyone else besides Matt Classic. From the moment he entered the ring, comically pulling up his tights more and more, to his persistent squats on the apron, Classic had the crowd (and myself, of course) laughing hysterically. Halfway through the match, Classic decided to begin his stair-stepping routine and walked the stairs for pretty much the rest of the match. In the meantime, Dasher had been getting hammered by the Dark Army Batiri, victim of the standard run of dastardly heelish tactics. He turns the tide with a huge Death Valley Driver and hot tags to Sugar. From here the match goes back and forth, some of the high spots include Dasher’s baseball style grandslam slide, a massive Backcracker from Kodama, and Sugar’s Lethal Combination style backbreaker/reverse STO move. At this point Classic decides he is ready to end the match and barges in, refusing to leave the ring even after he was tagged out, saying, “I was winning!” Classic takes out his frustration on his own team mate, allowing one of the Batiri’s green faced demons to hit a Blockbuster style diving neckbreaker on Classic for the pin.
It was a great opening contest and set the tone for the first half of the show. Mark my words- Matt Classic will be an international star someday, though he will probably go to the WWE and be given a stupid gimmick.
The scheduled match between the Portal and the Galli Luchadores was cancelled and two single’s matches were booked in its place- the second match of the night was one of these matches. This match would be Ophidian versus local wrestler Isaiah Velazquez with referee John Barber officiating. I do not know much about Velazquez, but he had instant heat with the crowd so I assume he is semi regular with Chikara. Ophidian wears his snake-gimmick well, his movement being very flowing and serpentine.
The match was very back and forth, the spots including a massive-pop producing tope from Ophidian to Isaiah and Isaiah’s Swinging Reverse STO which is very similar to Amazing Red’s. Ophidian tried to lock the Cobra Clutch thrice, the first two attempts reversed by backing the snake-man into the corner. When Velazquez tried to reverse the third clutch, Ophidian reversed the reversal and Velazquez hit the turnbuckle himself, allowing him to lock the clutch on the downed Chicagoan and then BRIDGE it out, which I had never seen before and looked particularly compromising, resulting in Velazquez tapping the canvas.
Ophidian was definitely the best of the masked gimmicks in Chikara, and if he took off the mask you could still tell he was supposed to be a snake.
The third match of the night was the Colony- Soldier Ant and Green Ant- competing against FIST- Chuck Taylor and Johnny Gargano with Bryce Remsburg. As I mentioned, I am relatively familiar with the Colony from DG, though for those who don’t know, the Ants sport antennaed masks, though Soldier Ant’s tights are camouflaged while Green Ant’s tights are, well, green. Gargano has a mohawk, while Taylor sports a shaggier cut. For the record, FIST stands for Friends in Similar Tights. SIGH.
The match played out like a classic tag match, the Colony playing the perennial favorites while FIST were the no good heels. Green and Gargano start the match and the pace is pretty steady, the teams trading tempo regularly. Of particular note is the most nefarious cheating of all- Taylor BIT Green Ant’s antennae! Who invited Mike Tyson? Taylor also managed to scream like a girl a few times. Like I said, great heel material here.
There was a lot of back and forth, with FIST (sigh again) nailing a superkick/hangman’s neckbreaker combination on Soldier, only to be answered by the Colony hitting the Ants Go Marching on Gargano, which is a really sweet double team neckbreaker/sitout bomb combo. Soldier Ant employed his ‘Chikara Special’ hold on Taylor only to be broken up by Gargano, FIST hits a wheelbarrow hold/dropkick to face on Soldier and Gargano finishes Soldier off with his Hurts Donut reverse STO from a full nelson.
The second match that replaced the cancelled Galli Lucha fight was the current Young Lions Cup holder Frightmare versus Hieracon. Booked as a special attraction, there were many falters in the flow of the match, especially on the part of Hieracon who was obvious not ready to take on such a terrifying opponent.
Frightmare was pretty entertaining, especially loved the scream that knocked Hieracon on his back, which he follows up seconds later with a huge cutter. At one point, Frightmare attempts a standing moonsault, which Hieracon dodges and quickly locks an arm-bar crossface on the spectral entity. The climax of the match is when Hieracon catches Frightmare from a whip and spins him about, ultimately hitting him with a Gonorrhea style neckbreaker. Hieracon goes for the pin, but Frightmare kicks out with milliseconds to spare. Hieracon gets greedy and sets ‘Mare up for another neckbreaker, but Frightmare reverses and runs him into the ropes, keeping a waste lock and rolling him into a pin, with a tight bridge for added leverage. The ref counts 1, 2, 3 and Frightmare steals it.
The fifth match of the night, officiated by John Barber, was “The Queen of Wrestling” Sara Del Rey versus the final member of FIST- Icarus. I am a big fan of Death Rey, especially since she lost the face paint. The fact that she is the favorite for the match makes it even better. Icarus, well Icarus was girlier than Sara. The tattoo on his back is wretched, resembling a crucifixion over half colored waves. Very bizarre.
Right out of the box, Sara dominated Icarus, delivering a series of massive beals from the corner. Icarus finally reversed her momentum, not by hitting a well time move, but by grabbing the ropes and crying, “get her away!!!!” They fight outside the ring, with a hilarious moment where Icarus curls up in a ball next to the stairs and Death Rey can’t find him. Icarus was so traumatized by his beating that he delivered some whimpy irish whips which Del Rey turns into a vicious axe kick to the poor little guys head. The woman’s hubris over took her and Icarus catches her with a spot on Death Valley Driver for a near fall. Icarus follows it up with Slice Bread #2/Shiranui for another near fall. Finally, the QoW beat Icarus with a clean pin.
Intermission- I sat and people watched for the intermission, I was tempted to go do the fanboy thing but there were a lot of people in a lot of lines. Next time I will bring my camera and get some good shots during intermission.
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